Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
