i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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