my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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