I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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