We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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