Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
