im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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