I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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