lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
