He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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