god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
