I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
