Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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