new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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