I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
