True but thats because hes a fetus.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ttyl tear gas
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
