Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
