her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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