So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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