I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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