I need help removing her.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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