Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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