I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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