Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
