haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
