we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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