Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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