Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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