she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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