I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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