Don't make out with my wife yet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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