I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
