yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
