I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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