Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
COCAINE IS GR8
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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