I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
