Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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