I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
