There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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