OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
