dude i'm inner monologue high
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
