and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
