just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
