Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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