I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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