; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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