wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
