U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wear drunk well.
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