hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
