Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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