Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
