She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
