I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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