Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
