i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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