I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
