I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize