I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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