I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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