Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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