This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
