so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
