I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
