the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
