okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
