Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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