i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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