Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
