where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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