Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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