Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
