How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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