Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
