then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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